maximmoxie

This is MY day!

2009-11-24T21:25:00.002-05:00

After yesterday's post, I had to follow up. I heard from many of you with words of encouragement and love. I appreciate it. I really really do. And now, I must eat my words. Today, I got the call I have been waiting for for months. The call I've been hoping for since September 2008, when I started this crazy journey. My interview is next Tuesday. And I can hardly believe it.

No more excuses.

Long Time No Blog

2009-11-23T18:02:00.005-05:00

It has been 14 months since I posted here. If that's not neglect, I don't know what is. The last year has been unreal. I barely survived teacher's college with all my faculties in tact. I can't go back and give you details of one of the toughest years of my life. The only thing I can say is -- I did it!

Brock Graduation June 2009

Here are some pics of the friends I made in school:

Before our formal

REFLECT THIS!

At formal

Me and Jamie

All the women who had children in our cohort group

Primary Junior Group being naughty.

Cohort D, Hamilton Campus.

It was a huge adjustment for my family and I think we are still recovering.

Right now, it feels like we're just in a constant limbo. The Hamilton Wentworth District School Board is a tough egg to crack. I've been volunteering several days a week for the last 5 months (May June Sept Oct Nov) trying to break in. Each one of my school peers has found their way in the door somehow while I seem to be the last one left knocking. It's been tough. Each of them is talented, passionate and creative. But so am I!!!

I don't know why, but I feel like this is just the door that has to open for me so that I can get myself in order again. Living with the unknown hovering over my head is really a difficult position for me to be in. I'm used to being able to control what comes next for me. But this one is out of my hands. I am finding it paralyzing. I find myself bargaining with God, bargaining with myself....and that's not my style. I know some of you are thinking, SUCK IT UP and stop your whining. Believe me, I've said it to myself. I am just hoping tomorrow is my day. Please let it be tomorrow. Or at least the day after.

the pinhole of light at the end of a very long, long tunnel

2008-09-13T23:21:00.004-04:00

I had a great, great work day. I finally feel like instead of just writing due dates in my agenda, on my calendar, and adding to my very LONG list of Things to Do...I actually put a few checkmarks in the boxes.

Last week was overwhelming, to say the least. 9 classes, in 3 days with minimum 3 assignments each...plus the readings...DO THE MATH PEOPLE!!! Going back to school when you have two young children is a CHALLENGE. Chris is working really hard, picking up the slack. But, if I was single, 21 (like my peers at school...for the most part), and free as a bird, I'd still be overwhelmed and exhausted!

Now I remember why students DRINK.

But tonight, as I sat down to watch a lovely, brainless, romantic comedy (What Happens In Vegas...)

at the end of a 10 hour work-day, I felt relaxed...for the first time in two weeks. No math curriculum, no Standards of Ethical Practice, no Piaget or Vygotsky, no Educational Law, just...Ashton Kutcher

and drippy, unrealistic romance.

(Oh Ashton....why are you so adorable?)

Sweet escape.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Whoa. And. I. Mean. It.

2008-09-11T10:36:00.002-04:00

I am in teacher's college overload. This week, though exciting was very, VERY, overwhelming. I am so excited about the career path I've chosen...this week has only made it clearer that this is what I want to do. However, if I get through this year without my head exploding...well...I'd be surprised. I'll try to get back here in the next day or two to give more of an update...but right now, I'm off to my first internship day in Grade 1!

First Days...

2008-09-05T22:40:00.010-04:00

I couldn't believe my little boy looked like such a big boy as he marched off, without fear, to his first day of Junior Kindergarten.

He's been ready to go to school for a while now. He learned all the letters and their sounds last year at preschool. He counts to 50, he knows the days of the weeks and the months of the year. He is MORE than ready. And this morning, as I put him into line to go off with his little friends, I shed a little tear. He's a big boy now. Just look at him!

Aurora is off to grade 2 this year...and although throughout the summer she shared her nerves with me...she met her new teacher the week before school and was totally pumped for her first day! I can't believe how far she's come!

What was really special was getting to see Rory's big sister instinct take hold. She told me that she spent all three recesses today looking desperately looking for her brother in the school yard. What she didn't know is that the JK's don't do recess right away -- while they are adjusting to the routine. Poor Rory! But how adorable is that???

Here are some pics we took in the morning on each of their first days:

I'm so proud of them BOTH!!!!!!!!!

Killbear Camping

2008-08-22T13:32:00.017-04:00

Our family started camping in 2005 or 2006...can't even remember! But I do know it hasn't been long. But we have fallen in love with it! I went from being a person who could never see herself camping to wanting a tent trailer SO badly so we can do it more! That's a dream to be fulfilled down the road. But I digress....

For the third year in a row, we have camped at Killbear Provincial Park. Up to and including this year, we've camped with a group of amazing friends...The Raakmans, The Dryfhouts (Senior and Junior), The Davis', The Wildschuts (Senior and Junior). With all of these families -- it ends up being about 27 people all together. We camp on separate sites but in a well thought-out cluster. This year, most of the kids were on their bikes the whole time -- and since we were all clustered together, they could ride around the sites basically supervised. It was so great to see Aurora on her bike -- as she just learned to ride without trainers...we got her to do it by threatening that she might be the only one at camp not riding...we're bad parents...but it worked!!!! She was off exploring with the group. How amazing to see the kids exploring the outdoors at top speed, all together.

Rory lost her first top tooth at camp!
Here she is in her cool bike helmet...

We had a few hail storms...a flood in our tenting area (sorry...I didn't think to pull out the camera as my poor husband dug a 3 foot cube trench to capture SOME of the water before it went in our tent)...but we had so many many more great memories.

These are some of our favorite things about Killbear...in no particular order:

1) The Beach

The beaches at Killbear are amazing. The sand is clean and soft, the water is crystal clear, and the kids (and the parents) can walk out REALLY far before the water is over their heads. They mark of a shallow area with ropes for the kids also. We spent four solid days sun-worshipping, and swiming.

Rory and Asher playing in the sand...

My Asher...

Chris and Asher playing in the water...

My hubby sunbathing...

Rory sunbathing...

2) The Trails

Killbear has 3 family friendly hiking trails. Even the longest one (90 minutes at a good pace) is not too hard for our kids. We managed to get the kids on all three of them. We love to do this as a family.

Working the Lookout Trail...

A cool log...

Lighthouse Trail...

Come cool roots...

Asher on Lookout trail counting the post markings...

Picking wild bluberries was a favorite activity during hiking...

Lighthouse Trail had the mother-load!

We have to have a yearly rock picture...

3) The Friends

These friends that we camp with are very special to us. So all the time we get with them is cherished. Our kids played so well this year...and I didn't capture everything I should've. We did a lot of crafts at our site with all the girls...but it never occured to me to take out my camera. Silly! Because what was so fun about the crafts is that they would make something beautiful and give it to one of the other kids. It was lots of fun to watch them love each other in this way. Both of our kids talk frequently about how they miss the other kids...since they all live an hour to 3.5 hours away. I miss them too...kids and adults.

Wildschut (Junior) kids portrait...

All the kids gathered at one of the sights...

Rory and Sam blowing bubbles...

Brianna...

Asher and Jakob...buddies...

Mel and Dave...

Uncle Ken...

Mark...

Aunt Lee-Anne...

Jack...

Jeanette...

The kids playing in the water together...

Dryfhouts...(senior)...Connie and Tony...

Water buddies...Rachel and Julia...

Zoe...

Elijah...

Cousins playing...

Me and Julia...

Raakman kids being so fly...Rachel, Brianna and Zion...

Tristan is getting so handsome...

Rory with two of her favorite girls...

4) The Campfires

The campfire is a time for all the families camping to come together (especially after the kids have gone to bed) and relax and share stories. We always have a PILE of laughs around the campfire, often getting noise violations after 11pm.

5) The Sunsets

This is the first time that we have gone out to Granite Saddle Campground (we stay at Beaver Dams) to see the sun set. Breathtaking...if you can keep the kids from the edge of the cliff long enough to relish it.

Waiting on the rocks for the sunset...

6) The Family Memories

We have already made some spectacular memories together at Killbear. But what I really love to watch is how my kids spend time together that they normally don't get because of the daycare in my home. They rarely fight when we're camping...and they seem to enjoy their time playing together. Spending time, in a peaceful, beautiful place, enjoying my family's company is my greatest pleasure. Can't wait to go back and make a million more.

These two laughing together...love it...

Love this pic...

Asher and Chris...so fearless!

Aurora

2008-07-23T21:54:00.008-04:00

If you've known us a while, you'll know how much of a challenge raising Aurora has been up until now. She's always been incredibly adorable, spirited, creative, hilarious, uninhibited, intense, lovable, dramatic, and full of beans. But really, without going into all the details, she's definitely made us sweat and kept us on our toes.

Lately, though, Aurora has really come into her own. I am not sure if I can pinpoint the change. But there IS a change. I've been thinking about whether or not it has something to do with her teacher this past year (whom I have deep respect and love for), or whether it's just that she's growing up. I don't know.

All of the good things I said about her above still stand. She's still got ants in her pants, she's still dramatic (though much less often in a negative way), she's still creative and hilarious. She's definitely got spirit. Most of all, she is still lovable. But all Chris and I can say about her lately is how incredibly sweet, introspective, calm, respectful, agreeable and just plain lovely she is right now. She's still constantly making us laugh. The thing is, she is just making us cry (in frustration and defeat) far, far, far less. We're enjoying her more and more; worrying less and less. It's a breath of fresh air. It's joyous. It's beautiful.

Most of all, we are enjoying seeing Aurora enjoy her childhood. She is enjoying her summer. She is owning the neighbourhood on her bike. She's discovering a love of reading. Like all girls her age, she's into Webkinz. She's running off to the park with Supie, without casting a look back, almost every day. It's just such a pleasure to watch Rory -- carefree!

This week Aurora has rediscovered her love for her American Girl dolls after seeing her favorite doll in live-action on the big screen -- Kit Kittredge -- An American Girl. It was so fun to take her (and her doll Kit) to the movies to see this story she's enjoyed, come to life. She was just a doll herself! I just love spending time with her. I always did...but now...it is just that much sweeter.

Here she is, tonight, with her "Just Like Me" American girl...dressed in matching jammies:

My beautiful girl, I love you!

Another Brother/Sister Moment -- less enlightening...more hilarious.

2008-07-14T21:46:00.004-04:00

Tonight Chris and I came upon our children sharing a toilet for their pre-bedtime pee. They can't share toys. But a piss-pot, they can share. No cute picture for this post.

From the Mouths of Babes...

2008-07-13T20:18:00.004-04:00

After church today, we did a little shopping. Usually Asher takes a pretty good nap in the afternoons. But sometimes on the weekend, we let it go. The results usually aren't that good. Needless to say, he wasn't exactly behaving himself in the store. He was screaming at us, tantrumming, demanding and just generally acting horrible. Even Rory was begging for a break from his voice!

Chris decided that the consequences for Asher's behaviour should be that he sit in the shopping cart instead of being free to walk around. Obviously, Asher didn't take to the idea. Rory worked on him while we were shopping -- trying to reason with Asher about his behaviour, what it means to be sorry. Chris and I were secretly enjoying listening to Aurora so kindly teach him about being sorry since when put in the same situation she is uber-dramatic and mopey. But she was doing a great job with him so we let her keep talking.

Eventually she got him to apologize, and quite honestly, it was very sincere. However, as soon as he says sorry, he asks if he can get out of the cart and walk. Chris told him that he is glad that he is sorry, but that the consequences still stand. As soon as it was out of his mouth, Aurora gasped! Then she said... "Daddy! That's not compassionate. You're not giving him a second chance!! MERCY!!!" What Chris didn't know is that Aurora has been watching a lot of a particular Veggie Tales movie called JONAH -- in which Jonah the Prophet is given a second chance by God after being really disobedient.

Needless to say, Asher got out and walked. It was a beautiful moment in brother and sister relationships. Especially because Aurora looked unbelievably proud for vindicating her brother.

I absolutely love her.

What a great kid!

Yes, I'm into opera. Really.

2008-07-13T00:15:00.006-04:00

As you probably read in my last post, I'm studying voice at HCA. When I was studying voice as a kid, I worked on very few operatic arias as my voice was not fully developed. Now that I'm all grown up, I'm studying opera. It has made me realize that I really love opera. I love the dramatic side to this genre of music. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea...but it's lots of fun. I'm using muscles I forgot I had; it feels so good to be working so hard. It has also gotten me reading history...history of art, history of music, history of literature. Wakey wakey brain!

Tonight I watched a special on Bravo about Jessye Norman, an American dramatic soprano. She's the quintessential diva. Her voice and stage presence are quite amazing. So majestic!

Here she is singing Mon Coeur S'ouvre a ta Voix from the opera Samson and Dalilah by Sainte-Saens -- a new piece I'm learning.

I think I love the Romantics...

Things Change...I'm excited!

2008-07-11T09:51:00.014-04:00

Things most definitely change! These last months have been full and exciting. Many new things going on in our family.

In April, my beautiful sister FORCED us all to Cuba to see her get married in paradise...

My sister Leanne, and her new hubby Trevor.

Making out on the Catamaran.

This beach had the whitest sand I have ever seen.

A Veradero market.

My hubby thinks he's a local.

Canadian ICE CREAM!!!

My mom.

My brother Blair and his girlfriend Andrea.

My dad and sister.

It was an amazing holiday spent with family.

I was also accepted to Brock University's Pre-service Teacher Education program for this fall! I am SO excited!!!! You have no idea! When I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a teacher...that might have something to do with my birth order ranking...I do love to boss people around. But really, kidding aside -- the joy of watching a child learn has always been a passion for me -- and I can't wait to take that to the next level. It is so exciting!

Also in April, Rory got her first pair of glasses. Chris has been dreading the day since we got married...since all of the Gunby's are blind as bats! However, Rory is far-sighted -- a trait we Gunby's don't hold! Apparently Chris' cousin's kids have the same issues (over-focusing) as Rory...so....who's really to blame here?? Tee hee...who cares! She looks adorable! And she chose the frames all by herself!

Asher has had two beautiful years at Hansel and Gretel Pre-School. But next year he goes to Junior Kindergarten (or BIG school as he affectionately calls it!). He looks forward to his new adventure...but as he graduated from Hansel and Gretel he realized that growing up and moving on means no more beloved pre-school -- and more specifically, no more beloved teacher -- Miss Paula...he will really miss her!

Chris is busy busy busy writing his dissertation. He completed two huge chapters in a very short period of time...but was asked to re-structure them by his mentors. SO -- back to the drawing board...but he's making good progress.

In May, I was asked by Rory's voice teacher to consider taking part in the Hamilton Conservatory for the Arts' Opera Workshop Program. So, returning to my classical music roots, I am back to studying voice with an amazing teacher -- and will be seen as the Countess in Mozart's Marriage of Figaro sometime next spring! It's going to be a busy year...but it feels great to be doing some things I'm really passionate about!

One last thing: I did complete my fast...and lost a whopping 5 pounds! However, I promptly gained all of it back...plus a few. I have made a decision to get back on track...I know you might not believe me...but I have new and exciting plans for how to change my lifestyle and get myself healthy and in shape. More on that later. It's all part of the changes I'm making in my life!

So...did I mention...I'm excited???

Cleanse/Detox

2008-03-12T09:14:00.002-04:00

Motivated by a friend's initiative, I've embarked on a cleanse/detox diet. Yesterday was the first of what was supposed to be three days of fruit and vegetable juice only. Ya -- I lasted 24 hours. However, 24 hours without food is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I go from meal to meal normally -- just waiting for the next delicious item to fill my belly. So, anyway, at 8:30 last night, I passed out from sheer exhaustion and hunger. On the upside, I slept for almost 12 hours! Woke up this morning, ready to go on the detox diet. I had my Psyllium and Bentonite fruit shake (kinda ewwww). Now I"m sitting here, enjoying some salsa and organic brown rice cakes, with a glass of water. Whoo hoo! Oh well, I'm going to make some bean soup today...and maybe a stir-fry. I think I can do it! It's only 7 days right?

Words that speak...

2008-02-25T14:36:00.003-05:00

I had a bad day yesterday. I think it was just a culmination off lots of things I'm struggling with in my life -- particularly remembering where my identity comes from. When I forget that, I start to struggle everywhere else. So I went to The Attic (The Meeting House's monthly extended worship time) sort of all in a slump. I didn't come out all happy and cheery but there was one song that reaffirmed in me something that I know to be true, but need to be hit over the head with on a regular basis. So here's the song (I found it on YouTube) and I thought since I needed to hear it, maybe some of you would too.

Some Things About December

2008-01-04T09:49:00.001-05:00

This past month has been pretty eventful. I'm sure that I can't even think of everything I've done with family and friends.

The main thing I've had going on is that I've developed a connection with a woman that was living at the refugee shelter that I volunteer with. When we met, she was 7 months pregnant with her first child, single and in a new country without much of a community. So since November we've developed a pretty close relationship. So in December, along with another friend of mine, we threw her a baby shower, took her to and from appointments at the doctor, were present for her ultrasounds, moved her into her new apartment and were asked to be present for the birth of her baby. Her daughter was born this past Saturday, December 29th and it was an amazing day! The baby is absolutely adorable and everyone is healthy and happy. I loved being her "doula". It is definitely cool to see it from the other side of things. It brought back lots of great memories from the births of my two kids -- and those experiences helped me to both help her manage her pain and enjoy the experience of the birth of her precious gift. It was such a joy and privilege.

Even with all of that going on, my children enjoyed an amazing Christmas with family and friends. We had time both as a smaller family unit and as a larger community. It was so great. I will post some pics below:

Auntie Dawn :)

24 Hours Old

Going Home From the Hospital

Rory and Asher with Santa

Aurora's Piano Recital

Jakob, Tris and Asher

Brothers

Friends We Love

Girlfriends - Sam, Rory and Jules

Elijah and Uncle Chris

Christmas Eve in their new PJs

Free to Be You and Me

2007-11-30T10:20:00.000-05:00

I used to LOVE watching these at school. When the teacher had had enough of us, she'd pop one of these in the push-top VCR. Anyone else have fond memories of this? I think that "When We Grow Up" is kinda ironic, considering who the male singer is :)

I think Parents are People is my favorite...or maybe Dudly Pippin which should be followed by It's alright to Cry...but they are all good.

THEME SONG

IT'S ALRIGHT TO CRY

WHEN WE GROW UP

WILLIAM'S DOLL

BOY MEETS GIRL

PARENTS ARE PEOPLE

DUDLEY PIPPEN

YOU WERE ONCE A BABY

Amazing...

2007-11-27T13:41:00.000-05:00

I've been complaining a lot lately because lots of stupid little things have happened to me lately. But yesterday I got to do something so fun and amazing that it made all those inconveniences seem petty.

I have a new friend who is very far along in her pregnancy and had no one to be with her for the birth of her baby. Another friend Heidi and I now have the privilege of being there when the baby is born. So we've been helping her get ready, planning a shower for her, and helping her get to and from her appointments. Yesterday, at 36 weeks along in her pregnancy she had another ultrasound because she hadn't had a lot of medical care earlier on in the pregnancy and they had some additional checks on the baby to do. She'd been dying to know the sex of the baby. They weren't able to tell her whether the baby was a girl or boy at her 20 week ultrasound -- but yesterday, with all three of us (plus Heidi's 6 month old) in the room, they told us the baby is going to be a girl! It is fun to make this "it" into a "she" :) We got to see her little feet, hands, fully developed heart, liver, bladder and best of all -- we got a glimpse of what she will look like. Neither Heidi or I had ultrasounds that far along in our pregnancy so we didn't get to see those details before our kids were born. This little girl has pouty lips! I can't wait to kiss them. It just makes me all the more excited to meet her in six weeks or less!!!

TGIF!!!

2007-11-23T13:06:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what is happening this week but man am I glad the week is over!! This week I have dealt with lice on Asher, a bladder infection for Rory, I've locked my keys in the car at the library, I've run out of gas on The Linc. I've been late for picking up my kids and I've forgotten eye doctor appointments. I'm a lunatic this week. I can't keep my eyes open and I can't keep things straight. All I have to say is TGIF -- and hopefully, after a weekend...i can get myself in order again.

Good News/Bad News

2007-11-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

The bad news first right? Okay -- when the lice issue began in the house, my stress level went WAY up. I fell off the dieting wagon. I'll be starting fresh starting tomorrow. I hope that by next Wednesday I'll at least be back to the same 11.2 lbs loss.

Good news? Some of my very best best friends welcomed their second child into the world with quite the bang this morning at 5:20 am! It was an unplanned home-birth attended by two giant paramedics (6'6" and 6'7") while Lee-Anne spoke to her (in-transit) midwife on the phone. Elijah Bradley Dryfhout, , 7 lbs 10 oz, and his parents and proud big sis Zoe, are all happy and healthy. We're so thrilled that he's here!! I saw him tonight and he's, of course, just adorable.

Itchy All Over

2007-11-16T10:28:00.000-05:00

Last night we discovered that Asher had lice. Ewwww. So home we went to de-louse our children. First thing we did was apply the medication. During the 10 minutes it takes to work, we stripped all the beds and started the washer. I also washed all hats, mitts and coats. We eventually vacuumed every fabric surface -- including couches, chairs, mattresses, pillows, curtains and carpets. We had to pick a gazillion nits from Asher's hair -- strand by strand. It took 4 hours. I'm not joking. He was begging to go to bed -- and his scalp was red and sore. Poor kid. But poor mommy. I have the worst stiff neck now! The good news is, it seems like this little louse didn't spread. Rory didn't have anything to speak of -- and Chris and I didn't have anything. The daycare kids are all clean. But I'd like to say this has been a disturbing experience. Rory's been in school three years -- and not once has she had a note home about lice. Asher on the other hand, goes to nursery school 2 half days a week and comes home with it. Great. I'd also like to say that my son's nits was no where near as numerous as the picture above. However, I had no idea what they looked like before, so I thought some of you might be curious :)

Some other news. I was up 0.6 lbs last week (week 5). But this past week (week 6) I was down 3.2! However, last night, after the lice incident, I gorged on Hallowe'en candy. We'll see how week 7 turns out :)

Those Who Can, Teach.

2007-11-08T14:51:00.000-05:00

As some of you may know, I am in the process of applying to Teacher's Colleges. Actually, just two of them. My first choice (really, my only choice) is Brock University. It has many bonuses for me, convenience being the biggest as the Hamilton Satillite Campus is about two blocks away. Laurier is my second choice, as it is the next closest to home -- though it is significantly further than even the St. Catherine's campus of Brock. So I think it was last week that I mailed off my very complex, very time-consuming Brock application. I poured over it for about two months -- writing and rewriting my responses and experience blurbs -- making sure I hadn't forgotten any of the many, many pieces of paperwork needing to be ordered and sent. These applications mean a lot to me. I actually can remember wanting to be a teacher in grade 1. And honestly, I don't think I really ever truly saw myself doing anything else. The truth is, as much as I have enjoyed my children and others for the last 6 years, I have really lacked structure, accountability, intellectual challenge, use of my expensive education...and many other things that I really do need. Being home with my own children has been a pleasure that I will not regret. I will have seen them both well on their way into primary school, spent time with them in various early childhood programs, done many extra curricular activities ... just been there for them. But now, for both their sake and mine, I need to do this. As I sent off my application to Brock, I had a moment of fear...like...what if I don't get in?? So that's the biggest thing. I'm afraid of where I'll be if I don't. But I really do believe I have a good chance. So I must go and get to work on the lame (or not so lame) 500 word essay that Laurier requires on the topic stated above. I'm not good with ambiguity. So if you have any ideas, please spare me the torture by sending them my way!

I Got New Glasses

2007-11-02T17:08:00.001-04:00

What do you think???

Hallowe'en is FUN! -- and aren't my kids cute???

2007-11-01T12:10:00.001-04:00

Aurora as a princess cat

For boys and girls club there was "Western Night". Asher's cowboy costume was only retired for last night's dragon.

I finally got one of them standing together and slightly still!!!

Sibling sillies!

Asher The Friendly Dragon

Aurora the Kitty sittin' pretty!

Rrrrrrraaaouuuuwwwwww!!!!!

This Made Me Giggle...for my Mom Friends

2007-10-31T14:34:00.000-04:00

Update

2007-10-31T11:56:00.000-04:00

I'm down 2.4!

Working My Tooshie Off

2007-10-29T14:19:00.000-04:00

I have found some great videos that I have been enjoying working out to. Two beginner pilates videos and a Fit Moms Total Body Workout (cardio). I have managed to work out 4/5 days. For this time in my life, this type of working out seems to be doable and not time-consuming. It's also empowering and a little fun. I'm surprising myself. Hopefully it'll show up in my weigh-in wednesday morning. We'll see.

My weekend was full of great times with good friends. Sunday I got a three hour nap in the afternoon. Ahhhhhh....heavenly.

On Weight Loss

2007-10-26T08:42:00.000-04:00

I've been on a 12 year journey of weight loss. This has been an issue for me since I went to Germany in Grade 11 and gained 15 lbs. I didn't try to get it off until I was in university where I joined various gyms and never succeeded at attaining my weight goals. Then I got married and had two babies. I gained 30 more pounds. I've been on various diets, joined at least 6 different exercise programs. I'm just a quitter.

The thing is -- I don't walk around feeling disgusting and gross. I've always kind of just dealt with it by changing my wardrobe and hair. I love to look pretty. I love to dress up and put on make up. I love having my hair done. But I am fully aware of the fact that it is not "skinniness" that makes one pretty. But don't get me wrong. I'm not contradicting myself in this post by saying that I don't want to be thin. I TOTALLY do.

But the truth is, as much as I want to look "hot" by today's standards, I also want to know that I have CONTROL. I want control over my eating. I want to have control over my muscle strength. I want control over my appearance. I want control over myself. I think the weight problem for me is more about willpower. And there are a lot of things in my life that can use more of that.

So this time I'm going to do it. I'm going to will myself into a change physically that will probably change me spiritually too. I'm ready for that. I'm going to change my thinking on eating. I'm going to make exercise easier and less time consuming. I'm going to believe that I can get there. 32 pounds. And by making this public I'm taking a pretty big risk. I could fail in front of everyone I know and love. Even some I don't know. I just want to be my best. I want to be healthy, in less pain, active and strong. The side affect of hotness is a great bonus. I'm down 6.2. Only 25.8 and a whole different mindset to go.

The principle of the matter.

2007-10-16T21:16:00.000-04:00

I had a little run-in at the uniform store today. This is the only store in Hamilton that holds the license to put the St. John the Baptist logo on clothes. A monopoly. Today I discovered, first hand, why a monopoly never is good for the consumer. Aurora will only wear two uniform items without a major meltdown in the morning. So we alternate between her school tunic, and her gym clothes (drawstring shorts or jogging pants -- that have the logo). Today it was gym day. She put her jogging pants on and the string, on the one side just pulled right out of the waist band. Apparently they made this drawstring in a STUPID way so that it isn't one string -- but two -- sown in at the back of the waste band. One side just frayed and came out, the second time she wore them! I was slightly miffed by this but just thought, "Oh I"ll take them back and have them sew it into place or replace them". That's what they'd do at Zeller's, or any other place right? Wrong. The uniform store showed absolutely no remorse for the defect in their product. Apparently it is my daughter's fault that it broke. I told them that if these clothes are supposed to be made for children, the assumption would be that they are durable, beyond the second wear. Apparently I am wrong. Apparently I am the first complaint they have had. Even if that is true, I said, that it might be possible that this particular pair is faulty. Am I wrong? They could've mis-sewn it in the production of the pants -- not properly attached the string??? Apparently I'm unreasonable. They weren't prepared to fix it because it has a triple seam and that would be too much work for their seamstresses and it would be better for ME to just replace it. AND, here I am. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. I have no choice but to buy these pants -- they are the only pants that my daughter will wear and is allowed to wear -- they are the only store in the whole city that sells them. Fuck. Pardon my french. But I'm mad. And the manager, sales clerk, store owner and 20 other customers heard, LOUD and clear knew it. But they shrugged their shoulders and gave me 10% off. A whole $1.50. Yay. Monopoly allows the retailer to mistreat the consumer with little to no recourse. Anyway, it isn't the $15.00 -- it's the principle of the matter. Damn it.

Ahhhhhhhh.....

2007-10-11T11:54:00.000-04:00

I am looking forward to a weekend with very little planned. I have a brunch date with some bridesmaids (which is so fun for me!) on Saturday and that's IT. SO excited to do laundry (for REAL!). I also have several dates with my PVR. Doesn't that sound grand???

Oh and I lost 3.4 lbs despite my CRAZY week. Food everywhere and I managed to beat it. I'm pretty proud of myself. ahem.

Family Photos by Krista Jefferson Photography

2007-10-10T00:03:00.000-04:00

If you are interested, we had our family photos done by a good friend Krista Jefferson of Krista Jefferson Photography. Here is the link to the pictures she took of us last Sunday. She is a phenomenal photographer.

Canada's Wonderland....

2007-10-06T22:45:00.000-04:00

I have so many fond memories of Canada's Wonderland as a kid. Being reasonably close made it easy enough for me to have a season pass for many years. I would be dropped off before the gate opened and stay until the gate closed. I loved EVERY ride. I could do the spinning ones, the dropping ones, the fast ones -- AND, my favorite -- the coasters!!! I would go and eat, and eat, and eat. I had places I just had to visit...the burgers in Bedrock...the pizza at International Fair...the Cookie Hut...the FUNNEL CAKE!!!!!!!! So much fat, sugar, spinning and tossing! I could to 13 hours in the park and keep it all down. I WAS AWESOME.

Today, I went to Wonderland with Aurora for the first time. She had a blast. We did Hanna Barbara Land, Kidsville, Clockwerks...we went on everything we could get her on. She did amazing. She even rode a little coaster! It was great watching her experience it for the first time and remembering all my favorite places, rides...food! Through her eyes... made me remember the magic.

But let's be honest. I am no longer AWESOME. I went on Jimmy Neutron's Brain Washer first thing with Aurora -- and got motion sickness. MOTION SICKNESS!!!! In Kidsville there was a mini-swings ride and I witnessed a child puking. I had to stand over the garbage can for a while...wasn't sure I was gonna make it. I went on Top Gun (my favorite) and though it still holds first place in my heart, I got a massive headache. The last time I went to Wonderland, I ate and ate and ate...and ended up in emergency with a severe gallbladder attack -- resulting in surgery. This year, I'm on Weight Watchers -- so a turkey sub, three $3.50 bottles of Disani and just a few bites of funnel cake for me. It was just not what I remembered.

However, spending the day with Aurora was great. It was awesome to see her happy, careless and having fun. So I'd go back again next year...just not on the Brain Washer.

Hi, my name is Dawn and I'm a....

2007-10-03T23:19:00.000-04:00

makeup addict. Yes. I think I have a problem. I love MAC makeup. I love it hard. Damn I love being pretty. I'm so vain. Damn it, I say.

A Weekend for the Truly Over-Committed Extrovert...and it ROCKED!

2007-09-30T23:53:00.000-04:00

I had an amazing weekend. Truly.

Friday night, we went to the movies (which we NEVER get to do...) and saw Across The Universe. It was pretty genius. I laughed, I cried...you know the drill. I just loved it. Go and see for yourself.

Saturday was kinda nuts...but brilliant.

We went to a family reunion for my father's side and got to catch up with the family we never see. That was wonderful. But the best part was watching my kids (with all their little second cousins) slide down a hill of dirt that was at least 30 feet tall. This was okay with me -- in fact I loved it...until I found out that Aurora had no underwear on and was wearing a skirt. Oh well...she soaked...in the bath...for a while. But at least she was having fun!!

I also saw some amazing musicians in action at FRWY Cafe throughout the day and night. A highlight for me was getting to see, for my first time, my friend Ben Bowen playing his first instrument (trumpet) in a gig. He's got serious talent and it was so much fun to see him playing the music he really loves with his very cool band The Book of Gnomes. I was also introduced to a new and amazing talent on the scene: Joshua Bartholomew. Like a friend sitting next to me during his show last night said: He's going to be the next big Canadian thing. This guy is amazing. I suggest you find a way to hear him.

There was one particular guy there, who apparently frequents the church services there on Sunday nights. He wore a top hat, tilted to the side, heavy white makeup on his face, with thick black eyeliner all around his eyes, and a very long black trench coat. I thought to myself, wow, he is a little scary looking! But then a friend's little 3 year old girl came up to us and said, Look mommy! Look at his costume! He's so COOL!!!! Right in that moment I felt convicted by my own judgement. Who am I to say he's scary? Here is this brave guy, sitting all alone, all day, the odd one out in this little cafe, rockin' his style! He was just enjoying the local musicians and the easy, accepting atmosphere. Good for him! And the little girl is right. He is so COOL.

Sitting in the cafe watching the most interesting mix of people breeze in and out just made me feel like I'm exactly where I want to be...in a diverse and amazing city. A city full of real people, people with talent, people with stories, people with soul. I love my city.

I also managed to slip out of the music festival to attend a neighbour's 40th birthday party. I was glad I could share that with the people who live around me. As deeply as I love my city, I love my neighbours. They bless me and my family on a daily basis with their friendship and their care. Happy Birthday Sherry!

As for our Sunday -- we heathens skipped church this morning (thank goodness for podcasts!) and slept in. Chris and I took turns and snoozed off and on all morning! The kids stayed in their jammies, watching movies, eating toast and surviving until their parents finally rolled their asses out of bed for good at 11 am. We are bad parents, but man it felt good!

This afternoon we spent a few hours at Webster's Falls, a beautiful spot in Dundas Valley. My great new friend Krista Jefferson (of Krista Jefferson Photography) took our family photos there. I am SO excited to see how they turned out since she was the winner in four categories in this year's Hamilton Spectator Reader's Choice awards -- including Best Photographer! How honoured are WE to have this amazing, talented person taking our family photos -- let alone have her as a friend! Thank you Krista! Some of the pics will be up on her blog (at the link above) very soon. Check them, and all her work out!

Tonight I took the kids to the FRWY worship service. It was a good thing it was relaxed -- because I was pretty darn wiped! Ahhhhh. Community, reflection, praise and prayer -- all while chillin' on a couch with a cafe mocha in hand! I think I like this 'emerging church' stuff.
Tee hee.

Another weekend...another...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

Reflections on this PA Day

2007-09-28T08:57:00.001-04:00

Last night I found myself on the phone with another mother trying to find time for our girls to get together. I was on the phone with my calendar in front of me for 15 minutes -- only to find that in the next two weeks, we were just too busy for a playdate. We had to give up and leave it at "if you're not doing anything on Thanksgiving Monday, maybe the girls can have a sleepover Sunday night...let me know."

We are sooooo busy this fall. It is just CRAZY. I find myself being tied to my calendar -- even just to set a date for coffee or the movies with a friend. We're regularly doing more than one social event a day on the weekends. Tomorrow we have three!!!

The thing is, I'm not sure what to think about it. Sometimes I feel frantic -- like I haven't got time to do the laundry (unless I totally give up sleeping all together) or clean the bathroom! But other times I am just so overwhelmed with how amazing our life is -- how full, how overflowing with friendship and love from family that I don't know if I would take back one coffee time, one party...one piano lesson...one playdate.

Today is PA Day. I know that as a kid, I didn't always like these random days off school. I always liked to see my friends, do my schoolwork, play at recess. A day off was boring! Normally my kids wake me from sleep with the question: "What are we doing today? Who's coming over? Where are we going?" But today's school holiday is a break for me. Oh, don't get me wrong. I still have 5 kids to care for. But I don't have to run around -- here and there, on a time-table that I can't keep straight in my mind. Asher and I did a puzzle. We're going to paint and cut and paste. Hopefully we'll go to the park. It isn't a restful day for me -- but a day at home is nice. For all of us.

Tomorrow we have the morning as a family. Some of that will be spent cleaning the house while the kids are watching tv. But hopefully we'll have time to lounge, read books, do puzzles and chill together. After that, we're off to family reunions, concerts for our talented friends, surprise 40th birthday parties for our neighbours. It sounds crazy -- but it also means we're blessed. I know I talk about this a lot -- but what can I say?
I feel the pull...but I also feel the love.

Since when did I have so many girlfriends????

2007-09-19T22:57:00.000-04:00

Thursday I got a facebook message from one of my two very best girlfriends in the world. She and I are not in the same city -- and we haven't seen each other in a month or so. Though I have been making new friends in my beloved city, my two best girlfriends "grew up" (in the real sense of the word - as in the last 10 years...) with me. They know my weaknesses and fears. Hearing that she misses me, felt so good. I miss her too. Very, very much. I can't wait to give her a great big hug.

Friday night I arrived at one of my single girlfriend's bachelorette apartment at 9:30 pm to find her suited up as a vision of beauty in her bra-less, ponytail/headband-sporting, jammie-jammers. I felt relieved as I showed up in my scrubbiest clothes, without makeup, sporting an absolutely GORGEOUS sty in my right eye. We were an absolutely STUNNING couple of girls. But as we shared stories and laughed so hard about somewhat petty topics I felt my work week fade away. I respect her for her independence. I enjoy her sense of humour. And I am so glad we're getting closer.

I had a great time at party celebrating one of my girlfriends' birthday on Saturday night. I spent the night chatting with some great girls about the realities of parenthood, marriage, being a working mothers, stay at home mothers and stuff like that. We hadn't seen each other in a little while, and it was great just to chill-out and delve right into the day-to-day stuff -- we had so many laughs. I love these women and their company. I always feel we've really connected -- even if our discussion ends up being about potty-training or temper tantrums. These women rock because they can move so seamlessly from these topics to topics of deep-spirituality, and back again. I love it.

Sunday morning as I was waiting for the service to begin, I was sitting, as a relatively new member of this fabulous community of The Meeting House thinking that I was surrounded by a bunch of great women who had welcomed me into and showered me with their friendship. This was an amazing feeling.

Monday I decided to do a little shopping (as I needed some new underwear, if you must know!). I was trying to pass the morning as I waited for a college girlfriend that I hadn't seen in 8 years to arrive for a 2 day visit. She and I had some growing up to do in those years and somehow completely lost touch. Thanks to Facebook, we totally reconnected. We missed the authentic joy we brought to each others' lives. I know that i did. We spent so much time together shopping, eating Thai, drinking coffee, just catching up. But this morning, though we were sleep deprived -- we were sad to part. Old friends can become new again. Thank God for that!

Today, a full seven days later, I had coffee with a brand new girlfriend. We spent a couple hours just opening up and telling our stories. And we found out that we share many things. It was just so beautiful to connect with someone on so many levels. It was a great afternoon -- one of many more I hope!

Tonight I went out for coffee with another great woman in my life. We went to The FRWY, where we just reveled in all the things we're seeing stirred up in this great city that we mutually love and feel called to. We see things revitalizing, moving forward, brightening and coming back to life. And The FRWY is just such a great example of that. She and I have been through very real-life struggles together. We have loved and supported one another through some very rough spots. But tonight we could celebrate each other, celebrate our very real love for the place we live. And a God we love.

Reading back, I realize that a) I went out a LOT this week and b) my life is so AMAZINGLY full of beautiful women. I could not be more blessed!!! I am so overwhelmed right now by that blessing. So thank you beautiful women! You know who you are -- and even those I didn't get to see this week but wish I did. You are precious to me. I celebrate all of you. You speak grace, love and strength into my life. Thanks so much.

growing up is hard!

2007-09-14T13:19:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of Aurora when she was 3 years old. Carefree, preschool days.

This morning we had our first episode about going to school.

In the recent past, we've had to listen to numerous rants about how much being 6 "sucks" because when you're 6 you have to listen to your parents. Grown-ups get to do WHATEVER they want (ie. stay up late, come and go as we please, eat what we want, wear what we want). WE WISH Aurora. We wish. We've tried to explain that she should enjoy being 6 for as long as it lasts -- that when you grow up you have responsibilities, and that though we get to decide much more for ourselves than she does, life in your 30's not as easy as it looks.

This morning when we asked her to get her uniform on, she FREAKED. Through her tears she told me about how she doesn't like putting her uniform on so early in the morning (she was in kindergarten in the afternoons last year). She misses playing so much since all she does at school is "homework" -- pages and pages of it, apparently. She cried that it "takes too long for the day to be over" and that she "doesn't like things changing".

I felt a little sad myself. I didn't want my little girl learning the lessons told to us in The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein at quite so young an age. I felt so much compassion for her. And I let her be sad. For a few minutes.

Life's lessons are hard. But today, instead of telling her about the not-so-great stuff about growing up, we got to share the the things that don't "suck" so badly. We told her we were proud of her accomplishment of managing such a long day at school, learning to read, and learning about how to be a good friend. We told her that there are changes at every step along the way and that though it is hard to change, change helps us grow -- inside and out. Being in grade 1 has great bonuses (ie special lunch days, going to mass -- tee hee, having your own desk, 3 whole recesses!)

We told her that sometimes we miss being little, but most of the time, we feel blessed to be where we are at.

We are so proud of our little/big girl.

Aurora on her first day of grade 1.

I couldn't help it...this is too cute.

2007-09-13T20:49:00.000-04:00

I was going to wait until tomorrow but I couldn't help it. This is too cute.

We are in the middle of transferring all our old videos to digital format. I came across this oldie of my best-friend's son from 2001 or 2002. He was about 5 or 6 -- the age that Aurora is now. He's almost 12 now and he's still a clown for the camera. I love you Tris. You're the best.

enough is enough

2007-09-13T13:42:00.001-04:00

This is a comic. A little joke, if you will. HA HA. VERY FUNNY. The joke's on me.

Last night I was running some errands and found myself singing along to "Fruit salad...yummy yummy! Yummy yummy yummy yummy fruit salad...". I freaking hate The Wiggles and their catchy little, poorly sung, poorly produced songs/videos. My kids absolutely love them -- damn it. But we have Sirius Satellite Radio: Home of Howard Stern! Now he's no children's entertainer!! But there I was, on one of my precious escapes from urban mommyhood and I didn't notice, for quite some time, that I was bouncing along to these loathed Australian children's entertainers. Oh dear god, I think I liked it!!!!

Today I forgot one of my daycare kids. I felt like shit. That's the honest truth. This little girl has been having trouble with school-refusal and I said I'd be here if she wanted to come home for lunch and I forgot. I took the other kids to the Ontario Early Years Centre for lunch -- so that I could have a break from making lunch.

Poor kid. I'm a jerk.

The question is: How do I find the balance?

I want to be focused enough on my kids so that all their needs -- emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually, creatively... are met. More than met -- in fact -- I want to be an awesome mom! On the other hand, I want to recognize when enough is enough. Maybe I'm being selfish or even too hard on myself here but when I no longer can differentiate between my taste and theirs, or when I can't keep one day's responsibilities straight from next...maybe it's enough.

Maximmoxie it is!

2007-09-12T14:57:00.000-04:00

I spent the last two days trying to think of something clever to name this blog. I wanted something perfect. Something to really capture my wit, my charm, my value, my purpose. This proved to be a very difficult task.

Last night I went to see a theatrical version of an amazing book by Donald Miller called Blue Like Jazz. It was done as a one-man, multi-media production by a casual acquaintance of Chris and I -- Jason Hildebrand. He's a very gifted Canadian actor who has a long list of professional credits to his name. The production was polished, well-executed, entertaining and moving. Still, I had trouble comparing the book (which I loved) to the play (which I also loved). But the play just didn't have the same the same je ne sais quoi that the book did. It was a great play. Don't get me wrong. In fact, please go and see it tonight or tomorrow. It is fully worth your while. But what I'm trying to get at is -- if you want to understand the message of Blue Like Jazz it's best to hear it from Donald Miller in the book...or better yet, from him personally. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to talk to every artist, author, choreographer, composer, playwright...to really fully understand the essence of the piece??

Then again, maybe that takes some of the mystique away from things...

Today as I tried again to name this stinkin' blog I realized something: A blog title can't "capture" me. Not perfectly anyway. It might get at some of who I am...but certainly not all. It can't portray my essence! Only my creator can. Sounds trite. I know. But I am always searching for the truth about myself. But that can't be captured in a pithy title. Or a clever word or two. Understanding who my creator intends me to be is an ongoing project.

So maximmoxie. Random. Basically meaningless. Perfect.